The mournful wail of a bagpipe echoes through the chapel. The melancholy notes reverberating through the sacred hall. Rick and I stand with heads bowed. Both of us numbed by grief. Barely aware of our surroundings. As we memorialize the lives of both of our wives.
They were walking together on a deserted beach. The storm tossed ocean, angry and belligerent. A sneaker wave. A vicious rip tide. And our wives were gone. Dispatched into oblivion. Snatched up into eternity. Leaving us both inconsolable.
The sheriff's department conducted the usual search. But our wives had gone to a watery grave. A few of their personal possessions were recovered. My wife's blouse and one shoe. A jacket belonging to Rick's wife. The pitiful remains of two vibrant lives.
>From the hallowed halls of Stanford. Thirty five years ago. To a fog bound chapel in Seattle. Today. It's been an amazing journey of love and camaraderie. Rick and I were roommates at Stanford. We met our future wives there. Grew to love them there. And married them there. And for thirty five years we had been a virtual family. Just the four of us. We never had children. No kids to take care of. So we took care of each other.
---
It's eight months later now. The intense grief has subsided. But the emptiness lingers on.
"Ummm, Jack. This is a great way to relax, after that icy dip in the lake."
It's Saturday night, and Rick and I are at our lake house. We're sitting side by side in the sauna. Naked. The sweat pouring off us makes little puddles at our feet. We're both silent for several minutes. Both of us wrestling with our own private demons. Both of us re-living bittersweet memories from the past.
I break the silence. "They wouldn't want us to do this anymore, Rick. This prolonged mourning. You know that don't you, buddy? They would say, `Hey you guys! You've still got a lot of living to do. Get on with your lives!' Can't you just hear 'em, Rick?"
"Sure. I can hear 'em, Jack. I hear 'em loud and clear. I hear 'em every sleepless night while I'm staring at the bedroom ceiling. But I can't start a brand new life at age 55, Jack. What would I do? Start dating again? I'm way too old for the dating game, Jack."
The silence closes in on us again. I search for the right words. Finally I venture, "Maybe it doesn't have to be a brand new life, Rick."
Rick shoots me a quick glance. "What's that supposed to mean, Jack?"
I take a deep breath and dive in. "You and I have had a life together for thirty five years, Rick. Maybe we could continue it together. But on a more intimate level."
"Whoa, buddy!" Rick's voice is an octave lower than usual. "Are you thinking male bonding? Or are you thinking...."
"I'm thinking Stanford, Rick. How's your memory? I know we haven't discussed this in thirty five years. But do you remember our freshman year at Stanford?"
Rick looks down at his feet. "Jesus, Jack! That's ancient history. But hell yes. I remember our freshman year. How could I possibly forget it? But we were just a couple of kids, Jack. Just casually fooling around!"
"Well, what's wrong with being a couple of fifty five year old kids, Rick? And just fooling around some more. And are you sure you're remembering the same freshman year that I'm remembering? We were getting it on almost every night, Rick. And there was nothing casual about it."
A burst of nervous laughter erupts from Rick. "You're the only guy I've ever been with, Jack. And yeah, it was a lot more than just fooling around. It was hot and heavy from the word go. But that was back in the Dark Ages. I wouldn't even know what to do now."
"You sure knew what to do then, Rick. And it's just like riding a bike."
"Yeah, I know." Rick interrupts with a smirk. "Once you know how you never forget." And there's that nervous laugh again.
"See! We're acting like a married couple already, Rick. Finishing each other's sentences. And do you remember our first night together, pal? The rising sun was peeking over the horizon when we finally got to sleep." I wink at Rick, and he flashes me a sheepish grin. "And when you get right down to it, Rick, men and women really aren't constructed all that differently."
"When you get right down to it, Jack, you've got a thick eight inch handle between your legs. And that's a hell of a lot different from what I'm used to."
---
It's a few minutes later now. We've slipped into shorts, and we're sitting in the darkened living room. The fireplace is aglow with a flickering fire, and the flames cast eerie shadows on our martini glasses. Double, with a twist. Rick is still feeling a little uneasy, but I can tell the gin is starting to kick in.
Rick lets out a long sigh. "We can't turn back the clock, Jack. Let's face it. We're a couple of old ducks. We're prime candidates for a retirement community. You know. Pot luck dinners and bingo and all that shit. We're not a couple of horny teenagers anymore. We're the Viagra generation, Jack. How can we hope to rekindle a relationship as hot as we had at Stanford?"
"Look at yourself, Rick." I respond with a trace of irritation in my voice. "Your vital statistics really haven't changed all that much from our Stanford days. Sure, your golden blond hair is a lot thinner than that towheaded mop you sported at school. But those cobalt blue eyes of yours are just as piercing as ever. And at six foot one and 180 pounds you're still a muscular guy. And even though your pecs may not be quite as well defined as they used to be, they're still impressive. And that light sprinkling of blond hair on your chest that you were so proud of at Stanford. Well, it's thickened and expanded over the years. Just like your waist has, buddy. And even though your abs may not ripple the way they did back then, they still look pretty fuckin' fine to me, Rick."
"And how does my appearance stack up against yours, Rick? Well, we're almost clones, aren't we? You're an inch taller and ten pounds heavier. And my jet black hair is in stark contrast to your golden blond. But other than that, Rick, we're Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum.
"We're both fifty five years old, going on forty five, Rick. And when I use my imagination a little bit, we're twenty again. Just like our freshman year at Stanford. Just like old times. Who was it that said, `you can't go home again'? Hey Rick, whoever it was, he didn't know us!"
I walk around behind Rick, who's sitting on the sofa, and let my hands drop onto his bare shoulders. He stiffens for a moment, and then relaxes. I start gently massaging his shoulders. "Do you remember how much fun we had, Rick? I think back on it now, and I marvel at how inventive we were. We were the blind leading the blind. Neither of us had ever had a same sex experience. And do you remember the pact we made after our first night of torrid sex? Nothing was off limits unless it hurt one of us or degraded one of us. Nothing was off limits, with one exception. No open mouth kissing. We convinced each other that we weren't really queer if we didn't kiss. We convinced ourselves that we were just a couple of straight guys, fooling around 'cause we didn't have girl friends at the moment. A masterful bit of rationalization, wasn't it, Rick?"
I sit beside Rick on the sofa now, and lean over so that my mouth is right beside his ear. "I've been waiting thirty five years to do this, buddy." Then with my hand I turn Rick's head, so that we're looking directly at one another. And I brush my lips gently across his. Then I move my head back, and his eyes lock on mine. I see fire there. But I'm not sure what it means.
"You've always been a cocky, self-confident fucker, haven't you, Jack!" Then a devilish grin lights up Rick's face, and I heave a sigh of relief. "Even back at Stanford you were a bad-ass, gutsy, ballsy kind of guy. Hell, especially at Stanford! The first night we got it on, you were the one who made the move. And I honestly believe that it never occurred to you that I might say no. You were massaging me that night. Just like tonight. I was lying on my back in bed. Naked. Totally relaxed. Then out of the blue you said, `Is it okay with you if I massage your love muscle, Rick?' My `love muscle' for crying out loud! I thought you were joking. `Love muscle' indeed! I thought you were just yanking my chain. So I didn't respond."
Rick lapses into silence now. Re-living in his mind that moment of truth, before speaking again. "Then you wrapped your big paw around my dick, which was about half hard by then. And I was so fucking surprised I was speechless. Within a couple of beats I had a raging hard on, and you were jerking me. And within a couple of minutes you were down on me. And you know what, Jack? That transition you made from jerking me to sucking me was a work of art. I barely knew it was happening. You were that smooth. Hell, if I hadn't seen it I would never have believed it."
Now I chime in with memories of my own. "You know what I remember about that first time, Rick? You kept your eyes open and focused on me the entire time. And that was so fucking hot! Our eyes locked on each other while I sucked on that righteous tool of yours. Then you started moaning and groaning. I knew you were close, and I almost lost my nerve. I almost pulled off of you and jerked you off. But then this little voice in my head said, `You've been dreaming about this guy for weeks, Jack. And you haven't been dreaming about jerking him off. You've been dreaming about taking his load.' So I didn't pull off. And you delivered a load of prodigious proportions. I was so proud of myself for sucking you off. And it was an incredible sensation. I never dreamed anything could taste so hot and sexual."
"That whole night was an incredible revelation to me, Jack. I never dreamed I could come three times in one night!"
"Yeah, that was pretty fucking fantastic, Rick. Three times. And as I recall, you were ready to go for four, until we realized we had to haul ass or miss our Calculus class." I let a sly grin play across my face. And Rick returns it!
---
It's an hour later now. Rick and I took a leisurely hot shower together. I gave his ass a good soapy scrub. And he gave me a fishy look in return. His ass muscles tensed when I started. But by the time I finished he was singing the Stanford fight song.
Now we're sprawled out on a king size bed. My head is resting on Rick's chest. And yep, those rippling abs are still there. Maybe not quite so pronounced, but still there. I'm oh so slowly massaging Rick's crotch and his cock and his balls and his ass. All his muscles seem fully relaxed. All except his love muscle, which is standing tall. And he's just as I remember him. Thick and thicker. He's got a big muscular arm draped over my shoulder. And he's talking to me softly, his deep masculine voice barely more than a whisper.
"Where are we going with this, Jack? I mean, are there any rules to this game? Are we the same people we were thirty five years ago? Are you my best friend? Or are you my lover? After so many years of straight behavior, how can we successfully move into any kind of gay relationship? And if we try, do we consider ourselves an old married couple? Or are we frisky newlyweds?
"At this moment, Rick, neither of us knows the answers to all those questions. But I've gotta admit the `frisky newlywed' part sounds fuckin' great to me. And we're so close. We're more than best friends. We've got a terrific rapport going, babe. And we owe it to ourselves to at least explore the possibilities and see where they lead us. We can`t just walk away from this without giving it a shot."
Rick stifles a laugh. "I don't mean to make light of this, Jack, but that little speech of yours just now sounded exactly like the line I used back in high school, when I was trying to talk my dates into shacking up with me."
I try to look offended. But a pesky little grin keeps tugging up the corners of my mouth. Actually I'm overjoyed. Rick has always been a joker. And now, for the first time in eight months, he's loosening up and kidding around with me.
Finally I get my grin under control. And now I feign anger. "You think I'm trying to lure you into shacking up with me, Rick?! Shacking up! Well..you damn right I am. That's exactly what I'm trying to do."
And with that I lift my head off his shoulder, and jump on him. In a flash we're wrestling around on the bed like a couple of teenagers. A couple of randy teenagers, because both of us have full-fledged boners.
Finally my hand finds Rick's erection, and his hand finds mine. Our wrestling subsides, and we find ourselves locked in a fierce embrace. His mouth finds mine. Our lips part. And we are into one another. Our first open mouth kiss. And it's just as euphoric as I thought it would be. His stubble brushes against mine, creating a brand new sensation for both of us. And his breath has that same delicious, masculine aroma that exudes from his body.
And we marvel at the quiet intensity of it all. Pressed hard together in a loving, lusty embrace. And we cherish the moment. Both of us wanting to prolong it. Neither of us wanting to turn loose. Once again, we are finding each other.
---
Finally Rick pulls away and moves into the 69 position. And I'm thrilled. Miracles never cease. Rick always played the male role at Stanford. I sucked him. And he fucked me. I hear his voice from down around my crotch now. "Hang on, Jack. As you know, I'm a total novice at this. This is one bike I never learned to ride. But I've always been a quick learner. And.." The rest of what he has to say is garbled, because now he is licking the head of my dick. It's coated with a thick sheen of pre-cum. He puts his tongue to it experimentally, and then laps it up.
I bury my face in Rick's crotch, and luxuriate in the unexpected Nirvana of having him on my dick. He was accurate when he mentioned my `thick eight inch' handle earlier this evening. And I'm hoping it's not intimidating him.
He takes the head tentatively into his mouth, and then manages an inch or two of the shaft before backing off. He finally settles for holding the head in his mouth, while licking it tenderly with his tongue. And I follow his lead, taking his head gently into my mouth and caressing it with love. My nose is pressed into Rick's balls. And I breathe in deeply, savoring the essence of the man.
My head is resting on Rick's thigh. And his head on mine. Now I start moving my hips, ever so slightly. Making slow shallow thrusts. Into Rick's mouth. Gently and slowly. When I hear Rick's moans, I know he's getting into it. So now, with each thrust I move a little deeper into him. Now I become aware that Rick has started thrusting his own hips, and his thick rod is moving in and out of my mouth. And we're both in a state of sexual bliss, as we fuck each other in the mouth.
Finally we stop our thrusts. Each of us holding the other's cock, deep in the mouth. Time is non-existent. As we lie locked in this most intimate of all embraces. Neither of us moves, for fear of disrupting the ecstatic sexual rapport that we have created.
Finally Rick adjusts his position slightly. And this tells me he is ready for the finale. That climax that always drove us both wild, those many years ago.
I disengage myself from our embrace, lie on my back and spread my legs wide. Rick lies on his side, beside and just slightly below me. He puts an arm under my thigh and raises it to my chest. Thus opening me up beautifully for his penetration. His cock is well lubed with pre-cum and spit. I feel his cock head now, nudging my asshole. And I'm overcome with emotion, as memories come flooding back from all those years ago.
I relax myself as I feel the head of Rick's dick pressing hard, and then entering me. Now he wraps his hand around my cock and starts gently pumping me. And then, what he has never done before, he leans his body over onto mine. And our open lips meet in a kiss of sweet passion. Then his lips roam over my face. Kissing my chin and my nose and then back to my lips again.
Now I'm feeling that exquisite pressure from his cock once more. As inch by inch he eases his thick shaft into me. I know I'm a little tight after so many years, but I'm conscious of no discomfort. My desire to be fucked by Rick is so intense that it obscures whatever pain I might otherwise have felt. Then, with one final thrust, his gorgeous ramrod is in me to the hilt. I have accepted all of him into me. And he possesses me. He has filled me with himself. And we are one.
As he pulls slowly out of me and then thrusts gently in again, he continues to stroke my dick with his hand. The movements of his hand and his dick are in perfect sync. And I move my hips slowly, in harmony with his movements. His thrusts in and out of me seem so effortless. His cock slides deep within me. Remains motionless for an instant. And then glides out once again.
And as he pumps my dick with his hand, he smoothers my face with kisses. In the most loving way imaginable, gently and tenderly, I am being raped and ravaged by this beautiful guy. the only man I have ever known. And I love it.
Then I hear them. Rick's sexual moans and groans that have always driven me wild. His tempo increases as his open mouth finds mine and remains there. His tongue is deep within my mouth. Just as his dick is deep within my bowels. Now he is stroking my cock at a furious pace. He knows that will bring me to a climax quickly. And I know it means that he too is on the brink. A few more thrusts with his dick. A few more strokes with his hand. And the floodgates open for both of us. I take his heavy load deep into me. I can feel his dick throb within me as he shoots spurt after spurt of his hot cum up my ass. And at the same moment my load splashes onto my chin and my chest and my abs.
Then Rick withdraws and moves his head down to my crotch. I feel his tongue licking my balls and up the side of my shaft. Then he finds what he's looking for. The cum remaining on my cock head. He laps it into his mouth and groans with pleasure.
Now he stretches out his body on top of mine. And I put my hands on his ass cheeks. Reveling in the hard muscularity of his body. Trying to get ever closer to him. And we are both overwhelmed by the awesome intimacy of our sexual afterglow.
And now we lie still. Overcome with emotion. Rick's body pressed hard against mine. And we remain joined together in this way. An incredible union of bodies and souls. And it's all been so much more than just a sexual act. It's two men who have lived through thirty five years of unrequited desire. Finally finding each other. Finally finding fulfillment. A convergence of virile, masculine lust and tender, spiritual love.
And it's even more beautiful. The second time around.
---
At this same moment, three thousand miles away, two women are sipping white wine in an oceanfront cottage. And reminiscing. One of them says wistfully, "So many incredibly happy memories. So many joyous times together. So muck love and kindness. So much caring and empathy. It's a story book tale of love."
The other woman replies, "You're right. Our husbands LOVED us. But they were never IN LOVE WITH us. And they have always been subconsciously in love with each other. They deserve a chance to find that love. Together."
"We both know that Jack and Rick would never have consented to a dissolution of our marriages. Their sense of obligation to us was too strong for that. So you and I looked at all of our options. And there was only one viable solution. So we faked our own deaths. To set them free. So that they could create a life together."
"So that they could find enduring love, together. The second time around."