We had barely spoken and I knew I would offer him the job. I just hoped he would be interested enough to take it.
In the next few months, we became good friends. I found out that he was married and we both confided relationship problems to each other and childhood experiences etc.
Now my gaydar was telling me that he was definitely bisexual or at least curious. I would occasionally test the waters, by doing some absent minded bumping of knees and whatever I could do to get a reaction. All I really got was mixed signals...I could not figure this guy out. This went on for a while and sometimes, it seemed that he was doing the absent minded bumping of knees or brushing up against me. But then nothing more than that. I tried to steer the conversation in a way that might get him to open up or get us talking about sex. We did talk some, but it seemed to make him uncomfortable. This went on for months and I was really happy just having his friendship. Though, my nightly sessions always featured Michael as the star of the show. I dreamed of what it would be like to finally kiss those lips, to feel the hardness of his dick through his pants. I wanted to feel the head of his dick slide past my lips and taste his salty pre-cum on my tongue. I wanted to run my tongue down his back into his ass crack and taste that hot little hole. God, I wanted him so bad.
But I could not do anything more than I was, unless I wanted to risk being outed at my job and at home and worst of all, the possibility of losing a friend. I decided to just give it more time. Several months went by of the same thing and I could not seem to get over the fact that I could not get close to him. I decided I had to find out if he felt the same way about me as I did about him. My plan was to put an anonymous note on his car at work. I typed out a note that explained to him that I was also married like him, but I found him very attractive and I could not get him out of my head. I told him I did not want to cause him any problems at home, but that I just wondered if he might be interested or curious about being with another guy. I gave him an e-mail address to write me back at. Well, days went by after I left the note on his car. He seemed like his normal self, but he did not mention the note or act as if anything was different. I kept checking for an e-mail to say one way or the other. Even a Fuck Off! would have helped get him out of my mind. My instincts said he felt the same, but I could not get him to let his guard down.
Finally, one night a few days later the store was really busy and Michael had more deliveries than he could handle. I hung around and waited on him to get back, after the store had closed. He came in talking about how tired he was and how it would be good to have the day off since we were closed the next day. I agreed with him and we just made small talk while I finished up some paperwork and he stood in the doorway of the storeroom smoking a cigarette. Then it got really quiet. Neither of us was talking and then Michael said "Are you gay?" Here it was. The response I had been waiting for and I did not know how to answer him. I was tongue tied and all the thoughts of losing my job, my family and even worse, losing Michael as a friend was running through my head. I kind of acted like I did not hear him and I just said "say that again". He started explaining that the reason he was asking, was that he got this note on his car and he had been trying to figure out who wrote it and the more he thought about it, the more he began to suspect me. He said he had wondered since the first time we met, if I was gay. I just sat there for a moment and then the only thing I could get out was "I am bi". I still was not sure if he was ok with it or not, but at that moment I thought he might have a easier time dealing if he thought I was bi, instead of full on Flaming Homo.
His reply was "I thought so" and he smiled. Whoa! That felt better. At least he seemed ok with it. Then he said "Did you put the note on my car?" To this day, I don't know why, but I told him "no" I could hardly believe that I said it. Here I was with the perfect opportunity and I lied to him. I said that I didn't do it. He told me that he just figured it was me. He made a few comments like " I have a few friends that are gay and its cool" and "I don't know if I could kiss a guy" which should have been obvious to me he had thought about it and might possibly have been trying to start us talking about it. I just sat there at my desk, agreeing and it was like I turned into a nervous fucking wreck and all I could do was nod my head in agreement. Finally he said he was going to get home and before I knew it, he was out the door.
That night, I kept going over the whole thing in my head and I wanted to knock myself in the head for being so stupid. I decided on the way home, that I would write him an e-mail and tell him how I felt. I wrote the e-mail and told him how attracted to him I was and that I wish I had written him that letter and put it on his car. I laid it all out for him to decide. I got a reply from him before I left for work the next morning. I was almost too afraid to read what it said. I sat for a while and stared at the screen, trying to make myself open the e-mail. Finally I clicked on the subject line and opened the e-mail.
I read the first few lines and he was saying that he really valued my friendship and that he was flattered that I was attracted to him and was not bothered by that fact at all. He then went into telling me that even though he wished we could be "really" close friends that he couldn't. He explained that he had cheated on his wife once before and they almost divorced over it. He said he made her a promise that it would never happen again and he intended on keeping that promise. He said he was sorry and he hoped we could still be friends.