He was a married man. Very married. Thirty years worth of married. Three grown children, all married. No grandchildren yet, but the kids were still newly-weds.
He lay in bed every night, thinking, fantasizing about all his "might have beens." He lay on one side of the bed, as far to his end as possible, and his wife lay on the other, as far to her end as possible. Two people could sleep comfortably between them in the king size bed. They had not had sex in almost five years, and he pleasured himself often in the shower. She claimed that her arthritis was too painful and that he hurt her when he touched her. Every night when she went to sleep she pushed their pillows as far apart as she could, hoping that he would not accidently touch her at night.
His first fantasy every night was always the same. It wasn't a fantasy at all. It was a remembrance of a true experience in his life, and a lost opportunity.
He was in the navy, nineteen years old, still a virgin (that was his secret). One day one of his buddies asked him to go on liberty with him. He had a date, and the girl asked him to bring a friend for her girlfriend. His buddy assured him that it was a sure thing. He wanted so much to get laid, but his stomach was turned into a knot. He feared that he wouldn't be able to get it up. His sexual dreams were about men, not women. He knew what was going on with him, but he refused to admit the truth to himself. He believed that one day the right girl would come along and he would marry her and lead a `normal' life.
He and his friend went to the restaurant where they were to meet the girls. He secretly hoped that they would get stood up, and in fact, the girls never came. They waited for more than an hour and finally left the restaurant. They were too young to drink in this state which had a minimum drinking age of twenty-one, so they waited outside a liquor store and asked a young customer to buy them a bottle of booze. The customer was glad to help out these two young and very handsome service men.
They took the bottle, safely tucked in a brown bag, and got a room at a nearby sleazy hotel. Once inside they opened the bottle and proceeded to chug-a-lug directly from the bottle. "Let's strip," his buddy said, "in case we get sick. We don't want to vomit all over our uniforms." They stripped down to their skivvies, and got a little drunker.
"I sure am horny tonight," his buddy said. "What a shame the girls stood us up. What do you say we whack off. I never can do it in the barracks with all those guys around."
"I wouldn't mind," he answered. "It's been a long time for me too."
They removed their skivvies. Both were hard as rocks. They began to jerk off and his buddy said. "Do me and I'll do you." By now he was quite drunk and happily agreed. He never did know exactly what happened next, but he was aware that out of curiosity they tasted each other's cocks, and then fucked each other using only their spit as a lubricant. Each sailor came in the other's ass.
He awoke in the morning and glanced at the dresser. The entire bottle of booze had been consumed. He knew what they had done the night before, but he had been too drunk to remember if he had enjoyed it. He wanted desperately to take his sleeping friend's cock in his hand and resume the activity of the night before, but he was scared shitless. If they were caught they would be dishonorably discharged. Their lives would be ruined.
Eventually they rose, freshened up and vacated the room. The incident was never spoken of again.
It wasn't until years later that he began to suspect that his buddy had seduced him, and that there never were any girls. He regretted not pursuing this event further and he called this incident one of his `lost opportunities.' Lying in bed he would then fantasize that the two sailors resume making love in the morning, cold sober. They suck each other to orgasm and fuck each other over and over. The experience is wonderful and after that they go on liberty together as often as possible, and make man love until the navy separates them by assigning them elsewhere.
If he wasn't sleeping by the end of this fantasy, he began to remember other lost opportunities to be with a man. Many opportunities had presented themselves to him over the years. But always his fears had prevented him from acting upon them.
He could go as far back as his sixteenth year.
He was on a New York City subway at rush hour. He was squashed between several miserable commuters. The handsome young man facing him was in his early twenties. They smiled at each other. Suddenly he felt the man playing with his cock through his trousers. It felt good but he was scared to death. He said nothing and the man continued to play with him. At the next stop, he waited until the door was about to close. He pushed through the crowd and exited just as the doors closed behind him. The man had followed him, but was left staring though the glass. Their eyes met. The man's expression was sad. His eyes asked, "Why?" Or rather "Why not?"
Now his fantasy would begin. Instead of running away, he nods at the handsome stranger and begins to play with the man's cock. They stop playing as the crowd thins out. The stranger and he get out at the man's stop. He takes him to his apartment and introduces him to the joys of gay sex. The man sucks his cock and rims his ass. Sometimes he fucks the man and other times the man fucks him. After that first night they see each other often and when he is old enough, he moves in with the young man and they become life partners. But alas! It was just another opportunity lost.
Still another lost opportunity often came to his mind. He was thirty-two at the time:
A young college student worked as an intern in his office. He was pretty sure that the boy was gay, but he did not know any gay buzz words and had no real way of finding out. One day the boy mentioned that he was moving into an apartment of his own and needed to buy some wall décor. His wife was out of town with his kids visiting her parents. He told the boy that he had a few pieces of art in his basement that he was throwing out and invited him over after work to see if he could use any of it. The boy came over and chose a rather large landscape.
"This will be tough to hang without help," he said.
"No problem, I'll go over to your place and help you hang it," the man answered. "In the meantime, would you like a cup of coffee and a donut? We haven't had any dinner."
"That would be great," the young man said. So they sat around sipping coffee and eating donuts, when he steered the conversation to sex.
"I envy you being a bachelor," he said. "Married sex sucks. My wife refuses to go down on me. Nobody ever has, and I want it so bad. I'd give it to get it."
There was no reaction at first and then the young man said, "I sure would like that myself."
"How about it then?" he asked.
"If you go first," the boy said.
Ha, ha, very funny," he said, and they both laughed. The matter was dropped.
Then the fantasy would begin. "Sure, I'll go first," he says. He goes down on the boy and soon they are playing sixty-nine. They have wild passionate male sex all night. In the morning they go to work together. After the boy moves into his own apartment, they see each other as often as possible. They suck and fuck and give each other more pleasure than he ever could have dreamed.
And that's how he spent his nights, fantasizing, until he fell asleep. In the morning he would lock the bathroom door, and whack off while taking his morning shower.
The years passed and then a miracle occurred. He bought his first PC and went on line. He learned quickly how to find gay chat rooms and enter them. The thought of going to a gay bar had always been out of the question. The internet was a new opportunity, hopefully not a lost one. He hoped against hope to make contact with some gay man with whom he could at last have man sex. He prayed that his contact would live nearby and that they could meet and make love.
Most of the time, he didn't understand the repartee going on between the men in the chat room. He would have sent a message if he knew what to say. Basically, he was a voyeur at first, and then one evening it happened. He received an instant message from one of the inhabitants of the room. "Sixty Something in Ft Lauderdale."
Hotguy1: Hey man, your profile sounds just like mine.
Cutesr: Really! I'll have to read it. Hold on a minute. He found Hotguy1 and clicked on his profile. After reading the profile as fast as he could, he realized that he was chatting with another married, mature man. "Discretion required" was a dead give away.
Cutesr: You're right. We sound like clones. How old are you?
Hotguy1: 61
Cutesr: Bingo, I'm 62 and that's a real number.
Hotguy1: Are you as horny for a man as I am?
Cutesr: I don't know. How horny are you?
They continued to chat back and forth for almost an hour, teasing each other, promising each other heaven knows what, and then...
Hotguy1: Are you alone? Can I call you?
Cutesr: Yes, I'd like that. My wife is out playing bridge and won't be home for at least two more hours.
Hotguy1: I'm alone right now too. Call me.
He gave Cutesr his telephone number and they both signed off. His fingers shook as he pushed in Hotguy1's number, but then a voice answered. It was not what he expected. He expected some raspy old sounding voice, but the voice he got was sexy and kind sounding.
"Hello," he heard. "Is this Cutesr? Hi, this is Hotguy1, better known as Jim Spalding"
"My name is Ralph," he said. He wasn't quite ready to offer his surname. "Where do you live?" he asked.
"On the 300 block of Sycamore," Jim said. Unlike Ralph, Jim had no trouble offering personal information.
"I'm on Pine, just two streets over in the 200 block."
"Wow," Jim almost yelped. "It's a beautiful night. Why don't you take a walk toward me and I'll walk to you. We can meet at the corner of Reed and Third Avenue. I'm wearing jeans, sneakers, and a blue sport shirt."
"This is exciting," Ralph said. I'm wearing denim shorts, sneakers, and a red tee shirt. See you in five." He hung up and literally ran out of the house and up the street. His heart was pounding and he got a little dizzy from excitement.
Neither man was exactly running when they spotted each other, but they were approaching at a fast pace. They both liked what they saw. Jim was about five feet eleven inches with grey hair, and blue eyes. Ralph was about six feet with salt and pepper hair, and warm brown eyes. They were both well built, very little extra weight and no bellies.
They stood facing each other for a moment, not knowing the appropriate thing to do. Finally Jim extended his hand and they shook hands cordially. Ralph didn't want to let go, and held on way too long. Finally he let go and said, "Do you want to go to Morey's Diner on Second and have a cup of coffee with me? We can talk there."
"Yes, good idea."
They turned toward Second Avenue and started walking. At first they said nothing and then Ralph said, "This is my first time. Honest, I'm scared shitless."
"I only did this once before and it was a disaster," Jim commented. "I literally ran away from the guy. We never did have sex, so I go on fantasizing."
Ralph laughed. "We'll have to exchange and compare fantasies. I've given up believing that any of my dreams will ever come true."
"I know what you mean. Most of the time I feel like I'm tied to a stake and being tortured." Jim does look tortured, Ralph thought. I wonder if I look that way too. They had reached the restaurant and when they entered they both scanned the room. "There's a nice quiet table in the corner over there," Jim said, and they headed toward it.
They each ordered coffee and a toasted English muffin.
"I have fantasized being with a man for as long as I can remember," Jim started. "It only happened once when I was seventeen. I was so scared I couldn't enjoy it."
"Who was it with?"
"My cousin, who was visiting us. He was about twenty at the time. God, years later he married and had a slew of kids. One day he just disappeared, leaving his wife and kids. I can only guess why and where he went, but he told me that day that if anyone ever found out he was gay, he'd kill himself. I'd give anything to find him."
"Geez," I said, "and I thought that I was tortured. I've only had one experience myself. It was with a navy buddy. I was so drunk I can't remember if it was good or bad."
Jim looked around and could see that nobody was watching them. He put his hand on top of Ralph's, whose first impulse was to pull away. But he didn't and it really felt so good.
"If ever I wanted to lose my cherry," Jim said, "it would be with you. You're a good looking dude, man."
"Thanks. The feeling is mutual."
"Would you like to get together?" Jim asked Ralph pleadingly.
Ralph looked into Jim's eyes. Yes, he could definitely make love to this man. He was hungering even as he sipped his coffee. All he could do was nod.
"I've dreamt about this forever," Jim said. "I know just the place. It's a motel, not far from here, and they rent by the hour. I'm in real estate. I can always tell my wife that I'm showing property to someone. Just tell me when you can make it."
"Every Thursday my wife goes into Miami. She found a quack there who treats her for her arthritis. She lies on a bed for about four hours, while a slow drip of some shit enters her body. Frankly I think it's a placebo. Anyway she leaves about nine and makes a day of it. She gets home about 6:30. Do you think Thursday would be good for you? I'm retired. Any day is good for me."
"Thursday is perfect for me. It's tomorrow."
"Of course, I forgot. Could you pick up some condoms and lube, just in case?" Ralph asked.
"You bet. No problem. Now Ralph, do you think I might get your full name and address so I can pick you up at about 9:15 tomorrow morning?"
They both laughed at that and it pretty much concluded the coffee and muffins. Before leaving the restaurant they went to the bathroom together. Neither had to pee, but when they saw that they were alone, Jim pulled Ralph to him and kissed him full on the lips. At the same time they each grabbed the other's package and sighed. As they fondled each other, their lips parted and their tongues found each other.
"I've died and gone to heaven on the express," Ralph said.
"I'm in the same railroad car," Jim echoed.
When he got home, Ralph's wife was already there.
"Where were you?" she asked. "I was worried.
"It was such a lovely evening that I decided to take a walk."
"You could have left me a note," she said as she climbed the stairs, heading for the chaste bedroom.
The next morning Ralph did not whack off. He was saving it for Jim. He couldn't wait for his wife to leave. She seemed to be taking forever this morning and indeed she left about ten minutes later than usual. She was only gone a few minutes when Jim drove up. Ralph locked the house and bounded into Jim's car. When he sat down he leaned over and kissed Jim, who kissed him back. Then he put on his seat belt.
Ralph was a little worried about the check-in process, but he needn't have. Jim just signed one name, John Smith, in the book even though the two of them were standing there. The clerk didn't even look up. This was an every day occurrence for him.
The room was small, but it was so clean that it was antiseptic. You could smell the bleach in the worn out sheets, but neither of the men cared.
"Jim," Ralph said. "I've been fantasizing about having every opening in my body invaded by a fat cock so don't be afraid to ask me to do anything. I swear I won't say no to you."
"God Ralph, so have I. So have I."
"Let me tell you how my fantasies go," Jim said. "I undress with my lover and take him by the hand into the shower. We soap each other good and wash every part of our bodies. We tease each other in the shower, but don't cum. We save that for the bedroom."
"My fantasies usually start in bed, so you lead the way."
They undressed slowly never taking their eyes off the other. They both worked out and they had tight muscled bodies with very little fat. As the undressing progressed each could feel himself getting hard. When they were down to their briefs, Jim said, "Let me take that off for you." He approached Ralph, got down on his knees and pulled Ralph's briefs off with his teeth. In the process, he allowed his lips to brush Ralph's cock and balls. Ralph restrained himself from crying with joy. "Let me do that to you," he said.
When they were completely naked, they smiled at each other. They were both about seven inches of hard, uncut manhood. Their pricks were throbbing and bobbing up and down. They embraced each other and rubbed their cocks together as they each moaned softly.
In the shower, they soaped each other good. It was nothing for them to stroke the other's cock with a soapy palm, but when Jim started to insert a soapy finger up Frank's ass, Frank let him do it, but he whimpered.
Jim stopped. "Did I hurt you," He asked. "Why did you cry?"
"You didn't hurt me at all. I was crying for joy. Please let me do that to you."
They were working themselves into a frenzy, but finally they stopped, dried off and went to bed. In bed, they pressed their bodies together as their cocks ground hard, one against the other. They kissed passionately, but at this point each was afraid of taking the first step. Finally Jim rolled Ralph over and moved his kisses from Ralph's lips to his neck, and then down to his nipples, his navel, his inner thighs and then at last he began to suck Ralph's balls. All the while Ralph was making little whining sounds of pleasure. When Jim took Ralph's cock in his mouth, he screamed, "Oh Jesus, what did I do to deserve this joy?''
After a few strokes of Jim's tongue along the underside of Ralph's cock, Ralph exploded into Jim's mouth. When he recovered enough to think about it, Ralph realized that Jim had swallowed all of his cum.
They lie side by side as Ralph caught his breath. "How did it taste?" he asked.
"Like honey, like ambrosia, like everything I ever dreamed of," Jim answered and now he began to cry. "I'm so happy," he sobbed.
Ralph leaned over and kissed Jim. Then his lips began a slow descent down Jim's body suckling and teasing him. He teased him until Jim begged for mercy and then he swallowed Jim's prick down his throat, as far as he could get it. Jim came almost as fast as Ralph had, and Ralph swallowed every drop of Jim's cum.
Lying side by side, Jim asked, "When we get hard again, let's fuck each other."
"You bet," Ralph mumbled, and he cuddled up to Jim.
They gave up the room at 3 PM so that they would each be home in plenty of time. Before they said goodbye, they made plans for their next meeting. Of course, they would meet every Thursday, but Ralph's wife played bridge two evenings a week, and Jim's wife played canasta one night a week. Happily one of the bridge nights coincided, and they made plans to meet that night also.
Occasionally, they could break away and have lunch together, and on rare occasions, they managed a dinner. They were happy. Their tortured souls were eased at long last. But too much happiness has its consequences.
As they fell more and more in love, and as their need for each other grew exponentially, their marriages suffered.
Ralph's marriage deteriorated rapidly. His wife was a bit of a shrew, but in the past he had never answered her back. Suddenly he began to rebel against her ordering him around. She found fault with everything he did, and he facetiously asked if he ever did anything right. Their dinner dates were always with her friends and he could barely tolerate them. He started to balk at going out to dinner so often, and with people he disliked. She weeped, telling him that he was spoiling her social life, and she asked him what it was he wanted. She even began to ask him if he wanted to end the marriage. He never answered her, but he wanted to scream, "Yes, a thousand times, yes."
Jim's wife was a heavy drinker and an even heavier smoker. She reeked of tobacco and was usually so high, he couldn't bear to be in the same room with her. They fought constantly. He wanted desperately to leave her, but he was too loyal, and he felt so bad for her that he could not do such a thing.
One day he came home from work to find her lying in the hallway. Her lifestyle had finally caught up to her, and her heart had rebelled. At first he blamed himself. He should have been a better husband and been there more for her. After the initial shock of her sudden death, he realized that she had tried AA, rehab and therapy. He had supported her through all that, and he concluded that he would not blame himself ever again. Fortunately during his mourning period, Ralph was there for him, and the two became even closer if that was possible.
In the days that followed, Jim was always available to be with Ralph, but Ralph was still restricted. One day his wife spent hours on the phone. When she came out of their bedroom, she proclaimed triumphantly, "I have just filled up our calendar for every night for the next month. The next two evenings we are going to the same restaurant. I know you want mind because you love that restaurant."
Ralph remained silent. He stared at her in disbelief. The next Thursday when she left for Miami, he loaded his car with his essentials, and drove to Jim's house. He gave his wife everything he had, in payment for his freedom. He even went back to work to support himself. At first Jim said that he was acting hastily and he should go home, but Ralph wouldn't budge.
There was much unpleasantness at first with lawyers and the divorce, but Ralph gave his wife everything she asked for, and the agony didn't last too long. The serenity, happiness and peace that prevailed in Jim's house, more than made up for the brief period of unpleasantness.
One evening they lay in bed, holding each other tight after having made love. Ralph said, "I had just begun to accept the fact that I would never make love to a man, and then you came into my life. I must have done something really wonderful for God to have rewarded me like this."
"It's funny. I feel the same way," Jim said. "I lived in hell, not only because of my wife's addictions, but because I couldn't express my love in the way God intended for me. Then you came along and changed my whole life. Thank you, sweetheart."
"No need for thanks. Just go on loving me, please," Ralph begged.
"For always," Jim assured him.