The first time I met Benjamin Brown was on the Council Estate* I grew up on in North East London when I was barely into my teens, a large proportion of the Estate's tenants were of course from the post war slums of the East End before the ill fated tower blocks had been dreamt up and subsequently pilloried, Council houses were designed to provide a better environment for families, each house had a garden, inside toilet and plenty of space between blocks for the families' children to play, for folk used to the cramped conditions of the old Victorian terraces these places seemed like quaint cottages in the countryside although of course they were just part of a Greater London suburban sprawl and as such not truly Rural or exclusively Urban.
A boy called Benjamin happened to move in next door to my family, there was me Steve, my mum and dad, Grandfather and my brother Patrick all living in a nice two bed roomed end of terrace, Patrick and me sharing a larger front room with my Granddad that was partitioned off for greater privacy with my Mum and Dad in the back room overlooking the garden, back then each garden was built with a ready provided dividing wooden fence towards the upper end near the kitchen door of each house with a flimsy post type fence overlooking each garden further down.
These fences often had what I would call `knot' holes in them as a natural part of the wood, they weren't man made holes, it was just how the wood developed and was cut, this apparent fault in the manufacture of the wood afforded a perfect spy hole with which to view what was going on next door and this being England it was used often by nosey housewives and urchin kids, for the purpose of keeping tabs on your neighbour.
I had seen from street level Benjamin and his family move in, the old van pulled up loaded with gear, it was on the roof, sticking through the windows and so far out the back doors they had to string it in to stopping in falling off whilst taking a sharp corner, the driver was old fashioned looking, he wore an old cap and had a roll up sticking out of the corner of his mouth, if there ever was a Jack the Lad* look alike he was it, then they came tumbling out, Mum, Dad and finally Benjamin himself, what a sight he was, all of 14, blond scruffy hair, tall for his age, very noticeable Green/Grey eyes and a proper athlete in the making judging by his build, he nodded a hello as I caught his eye and rushed up to the door of his new abode, I had already figured this character was from a very poor part of the city and the look on his face showed his approval, once he got the key from his dad he rushed in the front door to have a quick reccy of his dwelling and his new manor*.
I thought about Benjamin quite a lot really first impressions being what they were, a couple of days later I thought I would take advantage of one of the holes in the fence whilst he was outside his backdoor, there he was with a football displaying his ball skills wearing just a pair of shorts, his physique was what I would describe as `taut' and he was obviously fit, periodically he would come closer to the fence not realising I was watching of course and it was then that I finally caught sight of Benjamin's Belly Button, what a beauty it was, it was sort of wide but it looked like a strange kind of slit, it was definitely an `Innie' not an `Outie', I pulled my shirt out at the front and looked down at mine which seemed quite ordinary in comparison, he stopped playing with the ball suddenly and must have realised I was there, he approached the hole and pushed his belly button towards it so I had a better view.
"Like it then?" he shouted and proceeded to laugh out loud.
I was so startled I pulled back quickly and darted inside the kitchen door slamming it shut.
Growing up on the same estate as Benjamin he also went to the same school as me, me being a year younger though I was never in his class, I saw Benjamin quite a lot and always took the opportunity to try and get to know him at least, most families had a garden shed and in ours I keep a pet Guinea Pig called Whisky, I would take him out to muck around with but strictly on my Mum's orders he stayed out in the shed at night because of the shit pellets, the noise and the general mess and smell, it was the perfect opportunity to get Benjamin alone too, it was the following summer and a hot day too, we sat in the shed telling stories about football and school and being a sort of rebellious type he was stripped to the waist, I was barefooted and jokingly asked him where he got his belly button from.
"It's a freak a nature mate" he said proudly.
I was brave and asked him if I could touch it, without flinching he presented his fine abdomen and I proceeded to put a finger in it, it was deep, deep and sexy, I laughed and being barefooted instinctively put my big toe in it as well, he didn't seem to mind this, in fact he loved the adoration.
"My Belly Button is a masterpiece" he quipped.
It was indeed, of course his tight belly, wild blond hair and lovely eyes were a great draw as well, all I could think about for the next few days was that fleshy Belly Button, I would lay in bed thinking about other things he might let me do to it, maybe he would let me lick the fluff out of it, I'm sure he would, besides he always seemed pretty eager to get his kit off, even when the weather wasn't up to much, a born exhibitionist, nature boy in the city.
We often went over Hackney Marshes in the summer holiday which is an Urban space of open land that has an old canal running through it, there was a couple of old wartime buildings dotted around and we imagined in our boyish fantasies they were the front line of defence against the Germans, of course they weren't being inland but all the same our imagination ran wild and being solitary boys in our own way this space was ideal to explore away from the crowds of other kids in the park, I myself always found old crumbling wastelands very romantic and of course there was another reason it suited me, I could be alone with Benjamin apart from the occasional dog walker and the odd gang of kids passing through.
One day we decided to take some food with us, sandwiches, boiled eggs and a big bottle of lemonade, it was hot and Benjamin soon had his kit off showing off his muscled thighs, tight torso and off course his Belly Button, I would tease him while he was kicking a ball grab him from behind and stick my fingers in his Belly Button, being bigger and stronger than me Benjamin would turn around throw me to the ground and pin me down, this particular day I noticed he had a large bump in the front of his footie shorts.
"You're hard mate" I said with a wink and one of them laughs that almost gives you a bad chest.
"What you gonna do about it then Stevie?"
"I reckon we should have some of that food and then I'll decide"
Benjamin eased himself off me slowly and sat back in the sun arms behind him for support, he gazed up at the light with a squint, sweat pouring from his forehead, his legs crossed he was a sight to see, a dreamer and a fighter, a rare combination, sensitive and once a mate always a mate all boy and willing to be affectionate and unpredictable, he turned his head and gave an earnest smile.
"Steve, I like your mate, you're not like the others?"
"Why's that then?" I said surprised
"Not sure, I like mucking around with you mate" Just then he grabbed one of the hard boiled eggs from the silver foil and held it up.
"Wonder if I could get this whole egg into my Belly Button" he laughed and proceeded from a crouched over position to open the slit and slide the egg in, he got the whole thing in as well, I was amazed.
He turned to me again and with a wry smile beckoned me to move closer.
"You fancy some egg mate?"
"Yeah I do, I'm hungry now"
"You fancy this egg, do you?"
I looked him in the eye, what's all this about I wondered.
"If you want this egg you're gonna have to get it out, with your mouth, you've had your finger and toe in there, why not try something else?"
I gave a quick shifty round left, then right, leaned over a made a dive for his belly, as I got there I could smell the sweet sweat and up close see the tiny blond hairs forming on his abdomen and the gentle ripple of his muscles moving as he breathed, I nervously looked up and he gave me a nod of approval as if telling me to carry on, the white of the egg was just poking out and because of the position he was in he could breathe in slightly drawing the egg back into his stomach, each time he did this he gave a devilish chuckle.
"Oh come on mate" I protested, "I can't get it out if you keep sucking it back in again, Can I?"
"You'll have to get your tongue right in there then"
This is what I'd been hoping for, I lunged at his belly breathed out and placing my mouth over the whole of his belly button sucked the egg out in one go and swallowed it down whole.
"Nice one" he laughed.
We sat for a while relaxed and finished off the rest of the food, we'd been out all day and the sun was starting to go down with a fierce red sky, we made our way to a small derelict building that must've been something to do with the canal when it was used to transport goods along the Lee Valley to the factories in Tottenham and Hackney, inside we sat and rested a while Benjamin still habitually bouncing his football up and down on the hard concrete floor.
"What time you back for tea then" I asked.
"Dunno, anytime really, my mum's not as strict as yours" he answered with a shallow sigh.
"Don't wanna go back really, be nice to spend the night somewhere like here I reckon, we could build a fire and please ourselves"
"What about food and all that?" I reasoned
"Suppose you're right Stevie" he nodded in agreement.
We started making our way back home, a long walk but we'd be back before it got to dark, I felt good that night, the sensation of Benjamin's flesh and his `party trick' made me think we had a special relationship, I started thinking maybe he would let me explore more of his body next time we were alone together, in fact I was almost certain it would happen sooner or later.
Later that summer much to my delight the family decided to go with Benjamin's folks in a van to the seaside and stay in two caravans, the seven of us all squeezed into a transit van and heading down to Hastings and a couple of weeks by the coast in a static caravan park, my dad had to stop the van because I threw up even before we'd left London!
When we finally got there and settled it there seemed to be a lots of London families from similar backgrounds to us my Brother Patrick who was a couple of years older was almost at school leaving age and wasn't much of a problem, spent his whole time chasing girls, and usually getting them, he was just an older version of me really, good with the chat and easy going.
The site was full up and the holidaymakers were the type who could not afford a holiday abroad, it was the next best thing though and the weather was good that year as well.
Most of the other kids liked the pool but me and Benjamin we were explorers, down to the coast it was for us which is a good couple of miles, lucky we had the bikes, sunbathing and making a general nuisance of ourselves in the amusement arcades we strutted around the town, with my mate I felt great, safe, he was a great bloke to be with, we loved each other I kept thinking.
The occasional group of girls would stop and chat with us, mostly I noticed them eyeing his torso but he always seemed a bit uneasy in a big crowd, one special night the folks decided on a late night out in the club house with Patrick and left us to it.
The caravan was small but comfortable, the side seats doubling up as beds, there was no showers in the caravan themselves, to wash people had to use the public blocks, these were not luxury caravans by today's standards, no television only a radio.
"Do you reckon we're different to other kids" he asked.
"Yeah we're well special" flexing my bicep and giving it a sharp squeeze.
The curtains of the caravan were tightly drawn and it was quiet outside with most people off for a booze up in the Club house, Benjamin was as usual just in a pair of footie shorts, I instinctively leant forward and gave his hair a playful stroke, his wild blond locks were getting longer now and even more blond in the sunshine, when I did this he grabbed my hand and pulled it down over his face to his mouth, he stuck out his tongue and slid it in between my fingers.
"Do you like that then?"
Without replying I let him carry on, he was spontaneous at the best of times but this was a surprise, a pleasant one too, he put my hand on his suntanned chest and I could feel the silky smoothness of his muscles, we kissed gently, I was stroking his belly button while I kissed his lips and occasionally pulling back to look into those grey/green eyes of his, good combination I thought.
He always had a knack of being completely relaxed in these situations, I was more cautious listening out for sounds in case the folks came back early, he laid back on the seat and I turned around and settled into his lap whilst he stroked my hair and kissed my head.
"When we get married and have kids, we won't be able to do this you know" he stated wistfully.
"Why not?"
"Our wives won't like it, will they?"
"Probably not" was my reply.
We stayed in this position and decided to put the radio on, this was our holiday and only an early homecoming from the folks could spoil it now, later on we decided to play some cards and at midnight the gang returned the worse for wear and Benjamin went back to his caravan, I spent the night thinking about our closeness and not wanting this holiday to end.
The rest of the break was equally as good, lots of close moments and exploration, of each other as well as the countryside and beach, coming back to London was exciting but always a bit of let down, we'd be back at school soon and this summer would be over but I'll never forget it.
Benjamin got married young, I was his best man, I looked him in the eye before we left for the church, grabbed his shoulders and let a tear run down my cheek, he stroked my hair and straightened my tie, he was a big man now, 18 years old and he still had that spontaneous beauty about him, not much taller, blond wild hair and more handsome, we picked a quiet moment in the hallway of his mum's before the car arrived and Benjamin looked down at his belly, quickly undid one of the buttons of his shirt and reached inside his belly button pulling out two gold rings.
"This one's for you mate" he said with a smile placing one of them in my hand.
"You nutcase," I replied with a chuckle. "Never change, mate."
A lump came to my throat.
I looked at it briefly and we were then ushered out to the awaiting limousine by his father, I kept the ring in my pocket until the wedding was over, when I was alone in my room I collapsed on the bed thinking about Benjamin and his new bride, how happy they would be together and how lucky I was to be his first love, first love is never forgotten.
I took the ring from my pocket and held it up to get a better view of it in the lamplight; on the inside of the plain gold ring was an inscription.
B & S 4 Ever.
*Council housing estates are post war development around cities that were built to move families out of slum areas.
*'Jack the lad' is slang used to describe a man who is a bit cocky and sure of himself.
*'Manor' is London slang for an area that someone lives in and is familiar with (territorial).